PATHWAY THROUGH THE LABYRINTH
Pathway Though The Labyrinth 2012
Adjusting to my new life in Dorset, I was giving my body time to heal from all the moving and spending much time in meditation. I was becoming aware of a new energy and sensed I would be guided on yet another different course and that my art would be put to one side
for the time being.
Unlike Merlin the partnership, this new energy seemed more expansive. I named it Infinity and over the next few weeks was guided by this energetic vibration to set up
Infinity Healing workshops. As I began to transcribe the content for these workshops, I deepened my understanding of how to work with this new connection. The new
vibration came through in three stages of transmission; Infinity Seed, Infinity Star, and Infinity Crown. I began offering the workshops in Halifax, Yorkshire and, encouraged
by the reception, began promoting additional events.
But then, as quickly as it had come into my life, it stopped. Like the Merlin energy before it, it left behind a void. Although at first I experienced this as an emptiness, I soon realised that I was actually moving into a far deeper embodiment of awareness, further shedding Courtney. It would encompass everything. I named this energy Beloved but only as an endearment of the pure joy it expressed. There were sublime and very unexpected moments when its sparkling energy rained down on me with such overwhelming joy and love that I felt my heart would burst. In many ways it was a that the Infinity events had ended. In the workshop context I never felt I was able to adequately express the complete truth of these
energetic transmissions. I was also uncomfortable with the showmanship required to lead the workshops.
In my art, there was never a need to prove myself. The energetic connection was both self evident and self expressive. There was no need for me to speak about it. It was time to turn back to painting.
By May 2012 my new Mountcross bungalow studio was ready. It was the first time in my entire artistic life that I didn’t have a project to do for a publisher or licensed work to complete for a company. For the first time I was free to simply be with the creative space and energy with no preconceived ideas. Energetic shifts were swirling around the continued shedding of Courtney. Everything I believed in had fallen away. Past memories started to
fade and even recent memories grew dim. It was often hard to remember what had happened the previous day as life in the now was everything. I no longer expressed as Courtney. It was pure awareness expressing itself. Language is so inadequate to communicate what happened during this time. The detachment to Courtney I had experienced a few weeks earlier had deepened my parting from the ego, although there was still a personality that reacted to the name Courtney. He was still very much part of the worldly surroundings, but now more an awareness that was disengaged from Courtney. The experience could be likened to playing a computer game, you are the character and you play by the rules of the game, but all the time you are playing you are never the character. In this disconnection there is a clearer channel for the creative art to flow freely and, mostly,
without the distraction of arising thought.
In the years of working with Merlin, our collaboration was seamless. We were engaged in one large and continuous painting process that didn’t begin or end with each painting. It flowed through all of them. But now it was different. As I prepared to begin these new
paintings it was a frustrating time. It was like tuning into a radio station, trying to find that place of no distortion. It affected my entire body and I would become restless and fidgety until the connection kicked in. Once I began sketching the outlines, there was a distinct discovery that things were not the same as before. There was only space and awareness within that space. Only the paint, the brush, paper, and the Universe in motion.
Pathway Through The Labyrinth opened the realisation that there is no path to oneness. There is only and always an eternal connection to the Beloved in each and every moment. I had been so busy searching into my past for answers or praying for a safe and secure future that I had rushed through the only true moment, this one. And I had missed the true connection to divine love. In all the Merlin years I had thought I was on my spiritual quest. I hadn’t even started.
I clearly remember countless occasions when a still voice inside cautioned me to step away from a turbulent relationship I was in during the time I was homeless and I always brushed it aside. In my head I had created a perfect outcome for this relationship and it was going to succeed either with or without my partner's own plans being taken into account. In our conversations I was only picking out the bits of the chat or mentally manipulating into what I wanted to hear and suited me. On reflection I have realised how often when talking to someone, you are actually not listening to what's being said, mostly we are busily preparing an answer rather than being present. You meet someone that you are attracted to and your head is busy analyising and even creating possible future scenarios, searching for the slightest snippet of positive encouragement that can be incorporated into our mental fantasy.
In hindsight it's easy to see the madness I was going through and the still voice never stood a chance, you sometimes embark on a rollercoaster of emotions, you know it's out of your control and you can't seem to get off until it comes to the end of the ride.
I have listened the voice more closely since then since finding myself in a better place, it's message only offers advice and it doesn't go into the why's and wherefore's. Where thought would create a whole scenario and throw in emotions for good measure for you, the still voice doesn't go into any further dialogue. You take the advice or leave it and I would have been saved a lot of distress if I had listened.
I have learnt to sit, listen and even perhaps hold the hand of someone who wants to open to me so that they are aware of my full attention and random thoughts arise and fall without connection to them.
Cup Cakes, Brian Boru, Irish Coffee commissions 2011
Once I started to paint again, so commission work started to flow in. As if it was the Beloved being playful, the work consisted of creating images of Irish Stew, Irish Soda Bread, Porter Cake, Fairy Cakes and Irish Coffee. It was actually a relief from the intensity of working on the the Awakening series of paintings and never realised for a moment that they were actually opening a door to a new life where my new paintings would be admired, and my own life being changed forever.